Once upon a time there were two peasants, plowed their land and went sowing rye. The old man walks by, approaches one peasant and says:
- Hello, man!
- Hello, old man!
"What are you sowing?"
- Rye, grandfather.
- Well, God help you, your rye is born high and full of grain! An old man approaches another peasant:
- Hello, man. What are you sowing?
"What you need to know!" I sow a cock!
- Well, start off you a dick!
The old man left, and the peasants sowed rye, they fenced and went home. As spring began, let the rains begin - the first peasant's rye rose and thick and big, and all the peasants of the red doves got up, but still they took all the tithe: there's nowhere to set foot, all the dicks! The men came to see what their rye had gone up; one does not rejoice in the spirit, looking at his band, and the other's heart is still frozen:
"What," thinks, "will I do something with the devils?"
The men waited - they came in zhitvovo, drove out into the field: one started to harvest rye, and the other looked - he had a brush and a half yard on his stubble. Are standing red-headed, like a poppy blooms. Here the peasant pozglazel, poglazel, shook his head and went back home; and having arrived, he collected knives, sharpened sharply, took with him thread and paper, and again returned to his tithe, and began to cut down the dicks. She'll cut the couple, wrap them in paper, tie them tight with a thread and put them in a cart. I slaughtered everything and took them to town to sell.
"Give it to me," he thinks, "I'll take it if I'm not going to sell a fool to at least one couple!" Carries along the street and screams all the way:
- Do not you need someone fucking, fucking, fucking! I have nice selling dicks, dicks, dicks! Heard one lady, sends a maid to the girl:
- Come, quickly ask what this guy is selling? The girl ran out:
- Listen, man! What are you selling?
"Dicks, madame!"
She comes back to the room and is ashamed to tell the lady.
"Tell me the fool!" says the lady. "Do not be ashamed!" Well, what does he sell?
"Why, madam, he's a scoundrel, he's selling dicks!"
- Eka is a fool! Run faster, catch up and bargain, what will he take from me for a couple? The girl turned the muzhik and asked:
"What's the pair worth?"
- Yes, without bargaining a hundred rubles.
As soon as the girl said about that lady, she immediately took out a hundred rubles.
"On," he says, "go, look, choose which ones are better, more authentic and thicker."
Brings the maid the money and begs the maid:
"Only, please, muzhik, let's get some better."
"They're all good at it!"
She took a maid of good hens, brings and gives to the lady. She looked and seemed to her in fact. He tries to find something, but they do not climb.
"What did the muzhik tell you," she asks the girl, "how to command them to act?"
"I did not say anything, ma'am."
- Eka you're a fool! Go and ask now.
She ran again to the peasant:
- Listen, man, tell me how to command your goods, so that you can act? And the peasant says:
"If you'll give me another hundred rubles, I'll say so!" The maid soon to the lady:
"And so, she does not give a gift, madam, but she asks for another hundred rubles."
- Such a thing and for two hundred rubles to buy - not expensive! The man took a new hundred and said:
"If the lady wants to, let her just say," But-but! "
The mistress now lay down on the bed, twisted her skirt and commanded: "But-but!" As the dick pestered her, and how they conceived her to press, the lady herself is not happy, but she can not get them out.
How to get rid of trouble? She sends the maid:
- Go, catch up with this son of a bitch, ask him that you must tell them to fall behind!
The girl rushed all the way:
"Tell me, little fellow!" What should I say, that the dicks of the lady are behind? And then they just tortured the lady!
A man:
"If he gives you another hundred rubles, I'll say so!"
The girl comes running home, and the lady is barely alive on the bed.
"Take it," he says, "in the chest of the last one hundred rubles, let the scoundrel hurry!" And then my death comes!
The peasant took the third hundred and said:
- Let him say only: "Тпрру" - they will now be left behind.
A maid came running and saw: she herself shouted at them:
- Тпрру!
Both dicks now jumped out. She relaxed the lady; she got out of bed, took and hid the dicks, and began to live for her own pleasure.
As soon as he wants, now he will get them, he will command, and the dicks will work it out until the lady yells:
- Тпрру! - Тпрру!
At one time, the lady happened to go on a visit to a different village, and she forgot to take the dicks with her. She stayed until evening and became bored with her: going home. Then they conceived her to beg, so she could stay the night.
"It's impossible," says the lady, "I forgot one secret thing at home, without which I can not fall asleep!"
"If you want," the owners say, "we'll send for her a good, reliable man, to bring her in one piece." The lady agreed.
Now the footman was dressed up to saddle a good horse, went to the house of the lady and brought such and such a thing.
"Ask," says the lady, "at my maid, she already knows where this thing is hidden."
The servant arrived, the maid brought him two dicks, both wrapped in paper, and gave. The waiter put them in his back pocket, mounted and rode back. He had to go up the mountain on the way, and the horse was lazy, and only he started to urge her: "But-but" - as they suddenly jumped both and fry it in the ass, scared! What a miracle, where did they get their damned? Yes, the horse began to descend from the mountain quickly, so he shouted at her: "Тпрру!" Dicks now jumped out of the asshole. So he picked them up, wrapped them in paper, brought them and handed them to the lady.
- What, safely? Asks the lady.
"To hell with them," says the fagot. "If they were not on the road, they would have fucked me up to the court!"

Сказка называется «Посев хуев».

Жили-были два мужика, вспахали себе землю и поехали сеять рожь. Идет мимо старец, подходит к одному мужику и говорит:
— Здравствуй, мужичок!
— Здравствуй, старичок!
— Что ты сеешь?
— Рожь, дедушка.
— Ну помоги тебе Бог, зародись твоя рожь высока и зерном полна! Подходит старец к другому мужику:
— Здравствуй, мужичок. Что ты сеешь?
— На что тебе надо знать! Я сею хуй!
— Ну и зародись тебе хуй!
Старец ушел, а мужики посеяли рожь, заборонили и уехали домой. Как стала весна, да пошли дожди — у первого мужика взошла рожь и густая, и большая, а у другого мужика взошли все хуи красноголовые, да все-таки всю десятину и заняли: и ногой ступить негде, все хуи! Приехали мужики посмотреть, каково их рожь взошла; у одного дух не нарадуется, глядя на свою полосу, а у другого так сердце и замирает:
— Что, — думает, — буду я теперича делать с эдакими чертями?
Дождались мужики — вот и жнитво пришло, выехали в поле: один начал рожь жать, а другой смотрит — у него на полосе поросли хуи аршина в полтора. Стоят себе красноголовые, словно мак цветет. Вот мужик поглазел, поглазел, покачал головой и поехал назад домой; а приехавши, собрал ножи, наточил повострее, взял с собой ниток и бумаги, и опять воротился на свою десятину, и начал хуи срезывать. Срежет пару, обвернет в бумагу, завяжет хорошенько ниткою и положит в телегу. Посрезывал все и повез в город продавать.
— Дай-ка, — думает, — повезу, не продам ли какой дуре хоть одну парочку! Везет по улице и кричит во все горло:
— Не надо ли кому хуёв, хуёв, хуёв! У меня славные продажные хуи, хуи, хуи! Услыхала одна барыня, посылает горничную девушку:
— Велено сегодня перееть всех хохлов.

Этой барыней был солдат из другой заветной сказки Афанасьева.

Жили-были два мужика. Че там дальше, дословно не помню, но всех, кроме горничной, в жопу выебли.

Краткий пересказ:
Мужик продал два хуя за 300 рублей и сказал, как ими пользоваться: "но" - начало работы, "тпру" - конец. Хозяйка хуёв как-то уехала и забыла хуи дома, пришлось слать за ними лакея. На обратной дороге лакей сначала скомандовал "но", чтобы лошадь залезла на гору, затем "тпру", чтобы лошадь с горы слезла. Ясное дело, хуи это тоже слышали. Когда лакей приехал к хозяйке хуёв, на её вопрос, привёз ли он ей её хуи, он ответил:
— Да ну их к черту, — говорит холуй, — коли б на дороге да не гора, они заебли б меня до двора!

Краткое содержание: необычные фаллоимитаторы и трудности управления с ними.