The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Нихуя себе” said the bartender.

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and prepared to ship him to the CIA HQ. The CIA met him at the field somewhere in Yugoslavia.
— Dr. Pavel, I'm CIA.
— He wasn't alone.
— You don't get to bring friends.
— They're not my friends.
— Why would I want them?
— They were trying to grab your prize. They work for the mercenary. The masked man.
— Bane?
— Yeah.
— Get them on board, I'll call it in.
— The flight plan I just filed with the agency lists me, my men, and Dr. Pavel here, but only one of you. First one to talk gets to stay on my aircraft.
Who paid you to grab Dr. Pavel?
He didn't fly so good. Who wants to try next?
Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear the mask?
A lot of loyalty for a hired gun.
— Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane.
— At least you can talk. Who are you?
— It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
Nobody cared who I was until I put on the mask.
— If I pull that off, will you die?
— It would be extremely painful.
— You're a big guy.
— For you.

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Very impressive,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“How can you doubt me?” asked the agent. “Watch this.” He took a balalaika from the wall and played a succession of Russian folk songs perfectly. “You play great,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“I speak perfect Russian, play the balalaika, and guzzle vodka as only a Russian can,” said the agent. “How can you say I’m not Russian?”

“Nu cho ty pizdish', chernomazyi?!”

охлади трахание углерод!

Бля, а ведь охуенная идея учить инглишь по анекдотам!

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Very impressive,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“How can you doubt me?” asked the agent. “Watch this.” He took a balalaika from the wall and played a succession of Russian folk songs perfectly. “You play great,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“I speak perfect Russian, play the balalaika, and guzzle vodka as only a Russian can,” said the agent. “How can you say I’m not Russian?”

“You are not sitting on a bottle.”

Анекдот из вузовского фольклора

Посылают американцы шпиона в МФТИ. Через месяц возвращается и говорит раскусили. Мол, все пить, а я задачки решать, вот и прокололся
Посылают второго. Через два месяца возвращается :"все пить, и я пить, все в преферанс играть, а я на лекцию, вот и прокололся"
Третьего заслали, через полгода возвращается: "все пить, и я пить, все в преферанс играть, и я тоже, а на сессии все всё сдали, а я английский завалил"

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Very impressive,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“How can you doubt me?” asked the agent. “Watch this.” He took a balalaika from the wall and played a succession of Russian folk songs perfectly. “You play great,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“I speak perfect Russian, play the balalaika, and guzzle vodka as only a Russian can,” said the agent. “How can you say I’m not Russian?”

“Because we're speaking in English”

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Very impressive,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“How can you doubt me?” asked the agent. “Watch this.” He took a balalaika from the wall and played a succession of Russian folk songs perfectly. “You play great,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“I speak perfect Russian, play the balalaika, and guzzle vodka as only a Russian can,” said the agent. “How can you say I’m not Russian?”

I've recognized u, Albert Einstein.

не благодари:

Американцы много лет готовили резидента для работы в СССР. Его легенда была разработана блестяще. Наконец, его забросили с самолета на советскую территорию, и он вышел из лесу, одетый в ватник и кепку. Зайдя во двор избы, он попросил у бабки напиться.
- А ты, милок, не шпиен ли будешь?
- С чего ты взяла, бабка?
- Да мы в наших краях негров отродясь не видали!